Category: Journal

First Feelings

11 August 2018

Just around this time last year, my husband Wes whisked me away in an aeroplane for an emergency holiday in Bali. I say “emergency” because that is how it felt to him, digging deep into his tax return, he flew me to a place that was tropical and vibrant as a means of emotional resuscitation, […]

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Watch the stars – we navigate points of light in the dark

11 August 2018

My incredible friend Tawhanga wrote a beautiful piece here that I highly recommend reading. Tawhanga and I went to art school together, Waiariki Insitute of Technology in Aotearoa and Tawhanga is one of the people dearest to my heart and art. Here’s a quote that I almost gave a standing ovation, despite reading it alone in […]

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“I love you” words

24 July 2018

How did we get here? Like you’re a stranger I always knew or actually I think I always imagined you but now you’re here and I can touch you and I keep thinking maybe I’m making you up but the details are so much more than my notions and daydreams and longings. I never thought […]

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Treading Water

10 July 2018

You’re treading water in a vast and dark ocean full of sunken memories and shipwrecked dreams. I’m in my little boat with my little lamp, a carefully protected firelight. Dotted in the distance I can see other boats, other little lights that bob up and down. We communicate with words that float across the water […]

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My Light

2 July 2018

A couple of times in my life, people have been angry at me for the way I cling to hope and beauty. I have been called naive, childish, ridiculous. My first love told me that my sunny optimism was sickening. Desperate attempts have been made to snuff my sunshine.  I didn’t let it happen and […]

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Masochist

24 June 2018

The impact of his hand on the side of my face is microscopic oblivion and my reaction is addiction. His hand around my throat is paralysis and my option is endurance. His foul words in my ear are humiliation and my eyes close in avoidance. His cock forced sudden inside my ass is agony and […]

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Moonlight

8 June 2018

You have a glow to you like moonlight, when I squint I swear I can see it. It suffuses your skin with an opalescent iridescence that feels like magic, like nostalgia, as if you’re a friend from a childhood we never had. I want to discover secret spaces with you, our eyes wide with curiosity […]

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Days Like Today

8 June 2018

Days like today, days when my life feels so full and so ripe with possibility, days like today I am so fucking glad that I didn’t jump in front of that train. At those darkest moments, when everything hurt and I felt so worthless, when it felt like the pain and shame was all I […]

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Welcome Letter

29 May 2018

Hello darling, Thank you for stepping inside to see me, thank you for taking the time. Yes, that room has always been there, no, you’re not the first to take a peek, but you walked right in and started looking around with interest. I become the absurdly servile hostess, so grateful for the company that […]

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Ember

25 May 2018

At some point almost every night, my giant, emotional, weighty puffball of a cat will make a little whirring beep sound at me which is her request that I lift the blankets and allow her onto my chest. Almost always, I acquiesce and, purring loudly, she climbs aboard, crushing my boobs until she is comfortably […]

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