Category: Journal

Daring to Love

3 November 2017

My love, I’ve been thinking of you while I navigate the world with a broken heart. We are phenomena – a combination of processes, electrical signals and chemical reactions combined into conscious creatures in a constant state of negotiation with the reality we inhabit utilising our limited tools of perception. We are animals who name […]

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Disability and Love

23 August 2017

Recently I was talking with some women who have chronic health issues and though our health problems manifest differently, we all spoke of having similar insecurities around talking too often or too openly about our troubles. These insecurities come in many different flavours; we the chronically unhealthy are afraid of being perceived of as whingy, […]

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Heavy

9 June 2017

Deciding to live is not the same as wanting to live. This depression is thick and heavy, I feel immobilised. I understand that there are still good things and that there is still hope but that only sits in the part of my brain that deals with concepts, nothing feels good and I guess feelings […]

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Cities

23 May 2017

Something past midnight, rural Victoria. Fog illuminated by headlights and very little else but for the painted lines of the road falling towards us. At some point the grey, yellow, pinkish murk melts away to a deep black dotted with artificial lights like carefully arranged fireflies. Then suddenly the city. A million lights that tremble […]

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in and out

6 January 2017

The rules state that pain must be internal. Like blood, milk, shit, piss, cum, tears, farts, ugly laughs, dirty sex, pubic hair… We are horrified by anything that highlights the truth of us as vulnerable, organic, meaty, stinking flesh. We love fruit when it is ripe and are revolted when it rots. We are tormented […]

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Procrastibation

28 December 2016

Though I had been sexually active since I was 16, I didn’t learn how to orgasm until I was 22. So my first orgasm via masturbation wasn’t accidental, it was the result of a concerted effort, a campaign to cum that involved hours and months of exploration, wise advice from a sex worker friend and […]

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Taste

28 December 2016

The taste of arousal in my mouth is the same as inspiration. Will that even make sense to anyone? I get a taste in my mouth when I have an exciting idea for a painting and I get the same taste when I want to be fucked. Well, taste is the closest way I can […]

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Smash

15 December 2016

Holding itself together is Life’s main job. We create ourselves out of the bits and pieces of stuff lying around and then spend the rest of our time desperately grabbing at the detritus of ourselves as time rapidly and indifferently happens and our bits and pieces crumble into dust and atoms that we can no […]

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Outback

9 November 2016

I need to find a way to capture some of this feeling before it dissolves in the atmosphere of the city. It’s flat, the outback. It reminds me of the way the world felt when I was a kid, yanno, big. Big like when you stand outside at night and stare into the universe. That […]

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Fucking AstroTurf

18 May 2016

“Lawns are nature purged of sex and death.”  – Michael Pollan “Kitsch is the absolute denial of shit.” – Milan Kundera. When you are in a long-term relationship with someone, you become intimately acquainted with the things that make them angry. Wes could tell you just how much I loathe AstroTurf, you know, fake grass. […]

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